Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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