Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
