Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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