He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
