ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fuck your aforementioned shoe
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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