just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize