the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
