We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize