You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
