get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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