Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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