hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
