I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
