Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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