Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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