butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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