saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
