THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
