Your tits are I can't wait for
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
