its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
