well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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