Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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