I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
