I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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