At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wear drunk well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
