During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
