this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
