I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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