i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
