They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
