I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
