Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
