Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im on a boat
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