An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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