while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
