btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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