ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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