dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We had sex on a dog bed..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
