I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
