Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
