Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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