Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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