Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
