My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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