Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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