You're my little dorito
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
