What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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