and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
