I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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