: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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