everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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