I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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