On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
