I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
