Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
