just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
