If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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