just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
