it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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