i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
