happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
