So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
