i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
