oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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