Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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