Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
