omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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