Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
