I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
