I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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