WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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