I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
