New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
