your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
