Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
