so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
