Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
