My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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