What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
