So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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