you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
