This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
