I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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