i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
