Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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