Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't deserve a penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
